Zoelogically Thinking

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WHO AM I ?

I’m Zoe. I’m a mother and I’m divorced. Along the journey I’ve gotten degrees and certifications (bleh), I’ve been a personal trainer, marketer, consultant, nutritional coach, dating coach, writer, runner, cook, the list goes on. In all I've had varying degrees of success, but I've got the parenting and divorce down pat (ha)!

Relationships aren’t over as soon as you sign the papers, and the strange mix of emotions and steps you go through with a divorce are oddly the very things that can lead you to finding your best self and living your most fulfilling life in EVERY AREA. The sooner you realize this, find the resources to help get you there, and connect with those who understand, the quicker your path to contentment and hope, which is nirvana in my eyes.

One of Many Love Letters to My Ex

One of Many Love Letters to My Ex

Once in a while I feel like writing a love note to my ex, and now is one of those times. This may be because I feel like killing him so much of the time, so when I feel love, I want to sing it out to everyone. He has an incredible power that he just doesn’t even realize. In fact, most of us have this power I think, but few of us use it. A few supportive words can change someone’s world, and take nothing away from the giver. We all have those days, weeks, times when every time

Putting the Kids First Might Make YOU Happier

Putting the Kids First Might Make YOU Happier

I’m in the airport, early for a change, waiting to fly back home. Just spent three days visiting my oldest at college for family weekend. I hadn’t seen him since August-the longest two and half months of my life, and the shortest three days. Oh, I love that kid! Seeing him was the highlight, but now that the weekend is over, I can see that the second greatest thing about this trip is that we did it as a family, and it was pretty damn successful! My two daughters and my ex wer

Accepted or Not, Man Bashing Helps No One

Accepted or Not, Man Bashing Helps No One

So many women, often after having been through a number of bad relationships, experiences, or divorce, have gotten to a point where they begin to see men as a single entity and as a magnet for all of their anger and hurt. I understand how this happens, and how hard it is not to fall into this pit. That anger is somewhat protective and natural, but I can’t see how it can make anyone happy. Hence, the two-month wait to see any decent therapist these days! How often have you hea

Yes, Me Too

Yes, Me Too

Since the Vegas shootings, I have felt bombarded from every side with controversial and emotional issues. So many feelings have been stirred up that I had to take a step back from writing. I have felt tongue tied, afraid to upset others, maybe more afraid to explore how deep my feelings go on some of these subjects, and at times conflicted and unsure about what those feelings even are. I’m going to try again. Harvey Weinstein is a pig, no doubt, but really all of the shock an

The Sexual Imperative

The Sexual Imperative

I was channel surfing yesterday as I ran on the treadmill (basically the only time I watch TV, but since I do it a lot, I tend to watch a lot) and came across a show I’d never seen (a rarity). I watched about 15 minutes, but I’ve been thinking about it ever since. A Night With My Ex. Well, first, the thought of a night with MY ex would not make for very good TV for many reasons, but I do get that every situation is different. This couple profiled certainly hit the reality TV

Human Connection is Our Panacea

Human Connection is Our Panacea

I woke up this morning in a hotel room, and like many other Americans, the first thing I did was grab my phone. Immediately I saw the many news notifications about the Las Vegas shootings. Mixed into the middle of all the red notices was a green text message from my daughter. “Las Vegas:(” She had reached out to me when she first heard. This brought back sharp memories from a couple of years ago when I woke up on vacation and looked at my phone only to see that there had been

Awareness is Like the Sun

Awareness is Like the Sun

"Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed." --Thich Nhat Hanh Most of us can probably agree that self awareness can bring a needed sense of peace after enduring life altering and traumatic events such as divorce. What isn’t often discussed is that self awareness (of sorts) can sometimes lead TO the end of (usually unhealthy) relationships or divorce. Sometimes you have to make a choice, and it can be a very difficult one. Do we better oursel

Loyalty is a Gift, Not an Expectation

Loyalty is a Gift, Not an Expectation

“I need your top 5 values.” This was a text from my daughter last week. Easy, loyalty. Well, now what? And why did that one come so fast? Wait, is loyalty even a value? Maybe it’s just a command, something that doesn’t require thinking, but blind acceptance. Values should be carefully considered, as they are basically rules to live by. Then maybe values should be something that doesn’t necessarily require thinking and consideration at every turn. Loyalty as a value was becomi

Passion Required, Going Forward

Passion Required, Going Forward

I recently gave a quote to Bustle on-line magazine for an article outlining times that a lack of passion in a relationship might not be a bad thing. This was an interesting angle for me to consider, since passion is so vitally important to me in every area—intimate relationships, friendships, parenting, work, play. I have an opinion about almost everything and want those around me to as well! I thrive on heated discussion and debate. I want to surround myself with people who

The Only Thing a Woman Needs to Know to Date Successfully

The Only Thing a Woman Needs to Know to Date Successfully

Ok, let’s step away from anything too serious for a moment and talk about dating. There’s dating before you get married, there’s dating after you get married. There may be dating while you’re married, but that’s another blog (stay tuned!). Dating should be fun for everyone involved, but can come with a lot of stress for many of us. I have many single, dating friends, and I see who’s successful and who struggles. I have a basic dating philosophy for women that I see reinforced

Lucinda, I Love You!

Lucinda, I Love You!

We all have a soundtrack to our lives. Sometimes I forget how powerful music can be. Like smells, or photographs, hearing even a snippet of a certain song can bring me back fully to a place I’d long forgotten, for good or bad. One song can make me cry, laugh, feel more powerful than a queen, or even cringe in memory of something I always wanted to forget (Madonna’s Crazy For You and Joey P! Ugh!). Well, music has also helped get me through some of my darkest days. Sometimes t

God's Presence is Loud, We Just Need to Listen

God's Presence is Loud, We Just Need to Listen

“Bidden or not bidden, God is present.” I read this for the first time when my kids were still very small, and I found it not only extremely comforting, but it immediately rang true. I am not even religious, but I certainly believe in a power greater than myself. Sometimes things happen that are just too coincidental or meaningful for me to consider them completely random. God may represent something different to each of us, and if you are more comfortable with “ordered unive

Here's a Knife and Fork, Now Please Eat This Water

Here's a Knife and Fork, Now Please Eat This Water

My baby is leaving for college in four days. I wish I could write one of those meaningful slice of life pieces you find in the NYT with a message, deep meaning, that brings tears and a sense of, “Oh, my God, that’s exactly me!” Tonight I can only tell you how I’m feeling right now and why I can be so pissed off and so grateful at the same time. I had been doing just fine, thank you. I didn’t cry when he went to Kindergarten, graduated from middle school, had his first kiss, g

Sometimes You DO Have to Choose a Side

Sometimes You DO Have to Choose a Side

Isn’t it funny how the world works sometimes? I just post some thoughts on that transition from feeling in control to realizing that we really have none at all, and the very next day I get presented with a situation that not only reminds me that I have no real control and all the frustration that comes along with that, but also makes me think about what I can do in those types of situations. I need to preface this story with the fact that I know my ex is not the most communic

Jealous? It Might Be Just an Illusion

Jealous? It Might Be Just an Illusion

One of the hardest things I faced during my divorce was being stripped of all sense of control. It didn’t hit until about the second year after my separation, or Second Year Hell (SYH) as I like to call it in hindsight. I held onto the illusion of control for as long as I could, so realizing that I actually had none and accepting that I never had it in the first place, was one very hard lesson to internalize. This realization was also one of the most freeing and life changing

True Friends Stab You in the Front

True Friends Stab You in the Front

I’ve never been the girl who runs with the masses. I hate girls’ nights out, group dinners, ladies’ weekends away. Parties stress me out from the time I get wind that one might happen up to the point I have to walk in the door. And from RSVP to entrance, there’s a high chance I will find a way out of actually having to participate. Mind you, I’ve done these things. I’ve worked the corporate job where this type of thing was required. I was married to a man in an industry that’

I'm boring, and I have no future...

I'm boring, and I have no future...

Two of my greater concerns in life. I think it's the "no future" part that has spurred me on to face my fears and forge ahead. I have nothing to lose and am scared shitless that I will die without having left any mark on the world or really helped anyone in any significant way. (I'm not talking about winning the Nobel Prize or even assisting a birth in a stuck elevator, but maybe a few selfies that can't be deleted?) I also am convinced in the back (and front and all around)

Hope Through Connection

Hope Through Connection

In my mid twenties I was having dinner with a friend I’d known for a few years and had a fairly close relationship. I decided to open up to her about some mental illness in my family and how it related to my childhood. I prefaced it with, “I hope you don’t think differently of me,” and I followed it up with, “and please don’t tell anyone.” She lowered her chin, gave me a somewhat condescending look, and said, “Please don’t think you’re anything special, everyone has their ske

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