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One of Many Love Letters to My Ex

Once in a while I feel like writing a love note to my ex, and now is one of those times. This may be because I feel like killing him so much of the time, so when I feel love, I want to sing it out to everyone. He has an incredible power that he just doesn’t even realize. In fact, most of us have this power I think, but few of us use it. A few supportive words can change someone’s world, and take nothing away from the giver.

We all have those days, weeks, times when every time we turn around something else is crumbling, and we just can’t keep all the plates spinning. We think that things couldn’t possibly get worse, and then the gods show us how wrong we can be. I had one of those weekends.

My daughter had minor surgery Friday. All went well, but with all that was going on, I had no time to realize that throughout the day I was feeling more and more tired. By late afternoon I realized I was really sick and by the evening I couldn’t wait to climb into bed.

It was just as I was ready to go to sleep that I got a fraud alert from my credit card company. Thank goodness I’d signed up for that! After a significant amount of time on the phone, we figured out what was going on, cancelled the card and a new one would be sent out—I should receive it in four days (!!). I could then change all my autopay account numbers over. No big deal-except for that pesky AT&T bill that would be drawn on Monday…hmm. Oh, well, sleep was more important than worrying about that now.

Saturday I tried to help my girls get ready for an event that evening. With the one daughter requiring more care than usual because of the surgery, the other may have been feeling a bit neglected. Well, I got the brunt of that. The next day I got even more sassiness from her and that conversation ended with me taking away her car for the following day.

I woke up Monday and my computer was completely fried. The ever patient Apple tech support man tried so hard to help, but after an hour of no luck, he sent me in to the store.

While waiting eternally for computer help, I got an email from the basketball team mother explaining that this season the rules had changed for the required parental concession help. We would now be working concessions during our children’s games. (It used to be that the girl parents would work the boys’ games, and the boy parents worked the girls’ games.) No, not the end of the world, but just disappointing.

I texted my ex to ask if he’d seen the latest rule change. Meanwhile, Manny, the Apple store employee from Brooklyn finally reappeared, only to tell me that they had one more thing they could try but that it meant they’d have to wipe my drive. I could only hope for a functional computer on the other end. He convinced me to leave it there and come back in a few hours.

That was when I got a text back from my ex. “Yes, I saw that. Ridiculous. But you will not be doing concessions during a game when Sadie is playing.”

I don’t think he could have said anything nicer to me. In fact, I think this was the nicest thing he’d ever said to me since we first met. Suddenly the shit weekend was erased, my sore throat didn’t hurt so badly, my mean teens were manageable, and all of the potentially lost pictures would be somehow replaced or supplemented.

I mean it wasn’t even that big a deal, but it meant everything. He provided exactly what I needed at exactly the right time without me having to ask for it, fight for it, demand it. In fact, I don’t think I even knew that it was the very thing I needed to hear at that moment, but it absolutely was. I wasn’t completely alone, and feeling that in itself was awesome.

A few days ago someone asked me who my support people were. Easy—boyfriend, best friend, a number of friends made in adulthood, and definitely my ex. Yes, he can still push my buttons, but we share something I have with no one else-we love the same three people more than they can possibly be loved by anyone else, and we only want the best for them at whatever cost.

I feel a love and gratitude towards my ex that I hope never disappears. I know he is there for our kids at all costs, and for that reason, if no other, he has my support always. It was really nice to be reminded that I have his too! Maybe I should tell him that.

#divorce #zoelogicallythinking #coparenting